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同学博客》黄奕

1970年代，我当知青时曾做过代课老师，在一个公社小学任教. 学校在一个极度边远贫穷的山区, 非常简陋. 上课的第一天, 我走进昏暗的教室, 四十多张小脸怯生生地望着我.

我开始点名. 名册分为两列, 我一排一排往下点. 每当我点到左边一列的名字, 就有一只小手随着轻声的应答举起. 但是, 当我点到右边一列的名字时, 就没有反应. 名还没完点, 我就有点生气了. 我不高兴地说 :” 怎么这么多人缺席呢? ” 整个课堂沉默了.

过了好久, 才有一个学生细声细气地说 :” 你把大人的名字念出来了. ” 我拿起名册一看, 左边一列上头写着 “学生姓名”, 右边一列上头写着 “家长姓名”.

说起学英语，想起一个笑话：当年我当知青的时候在公社小学的初中班代课，教英语和化学。我们那个小学的校长说起来还非常骄傲，周围几个公社的小学初中班没有哪一个开得出英语课。

当时时还有几个老师跟着我学。有一天和几个老师聊起英语，其中有一个感慨说：“唉，我们屋里那几年读书的时候，英语还是刮好。”

另一个老师接嘴说的话，我至今记得：“你们屋里英语好又咋块嘛，她一个农村妇女，她能把猪喊成丕格吗？”

这是1986年我刚到美国时说英语闹的笑话：

In the first term I studied in the US. I work as the TA (Teaching Assistant) for a professor in the course of “The Formal Methods in Software Engineering”. The professor would only give the lectures, and all the other work, such as tutoring, answering the students’ questions, assigning and grading homework, arranging and grading exams, would be mine.

So, in the first class, after the professor introducing me to the students, I gave my greetings to them and told them I would come an hour earlier before the class to help them. I would wait them in the lounge outside the classroom. At that time, I arrived at the US less than one month, I did not yet know the word “lounge”, I used the Chinese word 休息室 translated into English directly as “I will wait for you in the restroom”.

Guess what? Just then there was a burst of laughter, I was puzzled why, and a girl said: “Hey, that’s not fair for girls!” I was still confused.

After the class, the professor whispered to me: “Where is the rest room?” I pointed to the lounge and said: “Here.” The professor pointed to the restroom and said: “There. Here is the lounge.”

The next time, I repeated my words, of course， with “lounge”. Some student joked: “Not the restroom?” That girl said:” That’s much better.”

第一学期当TA（助教Teaching Assistant），辅导的课程是“软件工程的形式化方法”（Formal Methods in Software Engineering）。教授只管讲课，啥都不管。答疑、布置作业、改作业、考试出题、评分，全是我的事。第一次上课，教授把我介绍给同学，然后我做了自我介绍，之后我说：“关于答疑呢，我就提前半小时来，在休息室等大家，大家有问题，我给大家解答。”当时就把休息室直译过去，说成restroom。各位，猜一下，什么反应？

当然是哄堂大笑。一个女生一边笑一边说：“嘿，对女孩子不公平哈。”（Hey， that’s not fair for girls.）我还茫然。

下课后，教授凑近我的耳朵问我：“哪里是restroom?”我指着休息室说：“这里。”他指着洗手间说：“那里。这里是lounge。”

注：我当时辅导的那门课是 Formal Methods in Software Engineering （软件工程中的形式化方法），是用数学方法证明软件程序的正确性。

这个笑话是一个同学告诉我的：

This story was told to me by a friend, who went to see the foreign teacher who gave some lectures he attended. He wanted her to sign some forms for him which would be used for applying the graduate school in the US.

In her living-room, the teacher put some peanuts on the table, and said “help yourself”, then left to another room.

At that time, my friend did not understand the meaning of “help yourself”, he misunderstood that the teacher would not help him, would not sign the forms for him, but wanted him to help himself for the forms.

Just a few moments, the teacher came back with all forms signed and returned to him.

With confusion in mind, my friend left the teacher’s room. Months later after he went to the US, he realized that the teacher meant “help your self” with the peanut rather than the forms.

这个故事是一个同学告诉我的。他去见一个外教，希望外教帮他签几份表格用于申请美国的研究生院。他到了外教的会客厅，外教放了一些花生在桌上，说：“Help yourself.” 就到另一个房间去了。

这个同学当时不懂什么是“Help yourself”，他想是不是外教不愿意签那几份表格，要他自己想办法“帮助自己”。

但是，一会儿，外教回来了，把签好的表格还给他。他带着疑惑离去。后来到了美国几个月，他才明白，“Help yourself”是指花生，不是指表格，是叫他吃花生，别客气。

注：这个外教就是何香侬老师（Sharon Hare）。

Tom是爱尔兰人后裔，长得高大帅气，他开玩笑说他比我更 handsome，我当然不承认。于是他和我打赌：我们从波士顿大学坐地铁去哈佛广场参加啤酒节，在地铁上我们随便问5位女士，是他帅还是我帅，得三票的为赢，输了的付啤酒钱。嗨呀，结果5票都是我的。Tom笑着付了我和Hugh的啤酒钱。他自嘲说：人家见你是外国人，照顾你。

第一学年结束，暑假我去找兼职工作。因为没有美国工作经验，几次面试都没成功。他们两个就教我，说：问你什么工作做没做过，你就说做过。因为很多工作都很简单，你那么聪明，一上手就能学会。你说没做过，人家当然不要你。

我说：要是上手之后做不来怎么办？他们说：人家会给你一段时间适应，你赶紧学啊。实在不行，最后你就说：我在中国做过，和这个不一样。

我照他们的办法做了，果然在学校计算中心找到了工作，是使用一种比较少见的语言（Natural）编程序，我以前从没听说过这种语言，也确实我一周之内就开始写程序了。